Facebook

I've promised a lot of posts in the past...but I tend to not follow through on actually writing what I've promised.  One such promise concerned a post about facebook and deleting my account.  So.  I'm here today to deliver. (Disclaimer:  I am not bashing facebook, the creators, or people who use facebook.  Really I'm not bashing anything.  I'm just writing about my experience and thoughts on the subject.)

Probably around Thanksgiving I became annoyed, disillusioned even, w/ facebook.  I was ready to give it up.  Why?  Because, to be honest, it sucked up a lot of my time.  Was I addicted?  No, I don't think so.  But was I over concerned w/ what was going on w/ my friends on facebook, and even more concerned w/ how they perceived me over facebook?  Yes.  A resounding and definite yes.  For a long time I had been able to justify having my account b/c of where we were living, the distance between me and so many friends and family members.  "Facebook allows me to keep up w/ them easily and quickly," I would say to myself.  That statement is true.  But it wasn't enough to make my conscience still cringe about the time I spent on facebook (and let's just face it, on the computer in general).

I didn't really try imposing limits on myself, though, because deep down inside, I knew it really wouldn't work.  Sure, I could give it up for a week or a month, or even cut down on the times I allowed myself to log on, but after that, it would still be there.  So, essentially, I put off doing anything about it for, you guessed it, another day.

Sometime after Christmas, Logan and I watched The Social Network.  Frankly, I was disgusted...by the college scene in general, although I know this is not the norm for all college students--by the grace of God it was not the norm for me, and by the way it was portrayed that everything went down between Mark Zuckerburg and Eduardo Saverin.  Now, I know that the movie was a dramatization.  I know it wasn't a live documentary, and much of the drama that was shown was simply that--drama for its own sake and not the truth behind what may or may not have happened.  But let me tell you this, the movie portrays Zuckerburg and Saverin as close friends in college and as Saverin being the main financial backing behind facebook when it was first starting up.  By the end of the movie, their friendship has completely been destroyed, and Zuckerburg pretty much hangs Saverin out to dry.  Like I said, there may not be an ounce of truth behind all of this, but it broke my heart.  I couldn't help but think, "He was your friend when no one else really liked you!  And you were such a jerk!"  (I've been known to emphasize loyalty in a relationship maybe too much.  But it a characteristic that is very important to me.) Anyways, the movie left me more unhappy with facebook as a whole.

We arrived back in America in January, and I kept holding onto my facebook account because it was still an easy way to get in touch w/ people.  Finally though, in March I think, I just deleted it.  Just like that.  And let me tell you, its been great.

Now, really, I know, who cares about what I think about facebook?  No one really, and maybe no one should.  And I haven't really done a good job of explaining all the reasons that brought me to delete my account.  But I can tell you this.  For me it was the right decision.  For me I finally was able to recognize that it was consuming me on some level, and I was too concerned w/ how people perceived me to be, rather than seeing me for who I really was.  This doesn't make sense, or you don't think you do the same thing?  Let me ask this...how many times do you untag yourself from a not so attractive picture?  Or search for just the right photo for your profile picture?  How many times do you rewrite/update your interests or favorite books or education information so that you are presenting the most up to date, appealing presentation of yourself?  You may say..well, never.  And for that I give you a high five.  Good job.  But for me...that wasn't the case.  I'm so vain that I probably think that song is about me, and, I want you to be impressed by me.  Because deep down I'm insecure in my identity and seek to please others.

In reality though, my identity is found in Christ, and that should be enough.  That is enough.  My worth is not defined by my facebook profile picture...or by my clothes, or what I do, or what I don't do, or who I know or what books I carry around.  My worth is found in Christ.  Deep down I know that is the truth. I still have to remind myself daily, or multiple times a day, but it is the truth.  Maybe one day I can get back on facebook and use it a bit more wisely, and not have it try and define who I am.  But that day is not here yet, so until then I live happily without it and seek to spend more (actual) quality time w/ the people around me (instead of just reading about their lives from a distance) and spend less time thinking about...well...myself.

--da